Follicle Freedom
It's exactly 30 years since I [partially] willingly lost all of my hair
It starts to march back and you worry like hell
Or so went the tag line of a 1980s ad for Rogaine (follicle stimulation for "noticeable" hair regrowth)
Faced with the constant insurgency of follicular retreat, I chose a scorched earth policy (as first used by the Scythians against King Darius' Persians in the 6th century BC….)
After a 15 year physical relationship, my Greek barber Dimitri gave me my last ever haircut
People always quote Rockin Rod Stewart's 1976 claim that 'The first cut is the deepest', but in my case it was the last cut that hurt most
The scorched earth cut.
Dimitri and me said goodbye in silence (mostly because of his almost total lack of English beyond barbarous terminology)
Our economic relationship was ending
It was and continues to be the worst breakup of my life
But it was also the end of hours of teenage-girl-level preparing and covering bald spots in my former head-of-hair
Apart from my Mother shedding tears about my new egg-like state, appearing to be a skinhead was my primary concern
This was of course the age of Romper Stomper-adjacency
I also learnt quickly that when you shave your head and fuck up the blade, the blood flows like a Korean horror flick
But also, it's like a virgin birth, seeing the last new part of your body for the first time
And the wind in my hair like I hadn't felt since the '80s
And aah the appreciation of babies who see a kindred spirit, a fellow hirsute traveler
But poor timing to do this just before Oasis make the Beatles and their cuts a thing
There are many things that I would like to say to my hair but I don’t know how
Cos maybe, you’re gonna be the one to shave me